Friday, March 25, 2005

They should be paying ME

Actual conversation I heard at Wal-Mart tonight:
My checkout girl is yelling over my head to the checkout girl in the next aisle, "I don’t have to work until 6:00 tomorrow night. Yeah, I’m glad ‘cause I’m goin’ to Forrest City tonight."
She then looks at me and sees the tattoo on my forehead that reads: Tell me all about your boring, stupid life, and she says to me, "I’m goin’ with the same guy who last time I went to Forrest City he left me there." I’m already clenching my butt cheeks to keep from reaching over the moving conveyor and knocking her in the head with a large bottle of Drano. I’m sure I was looking a little puzzled at this point (I had forgotten about my forehead tattoo) and she continues, "Yeah, we got in a big fight and he just left me there! But this time I’m bein’ smart and follering him in ma own car." This girl is brilliant, isn’t she? "I ain’t gonna get stuck in Forrest City agin!" At this point in the fascinating conversation, the young woman behind me in the checkout line says, "Forrest City!!?? They ain’t nothin’ goin’ on in Forrest City!" Checkout girl says, "Ah, you live there?" Woman in line: "Nah, not no more I ain’t." Checkout girl: "Well, Jake’s just taking me to show me off, since I’m like half his age." She looked about 25, so now I’m getting a little nauseated. Woman in line: "What’s his name?" Checkout girl: "Jake ______. You know him?" Woman: "Nah." Checkout girl: " Everybody just calls him Drunk Jake."
I have no idea what kind of expression is now on my face.
Checkout girl: "That’s why he ain’t my boyfriend no more."

Merciful God, thank You for letting this be the instant she finishes ringing up my groceries so I can pay and get out of there.

Love you guys,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

oW! Cut it out! My sides are aching!

That is the funniest shit I have read in a long time. It's soooo many shades of wrong. I'm imagining them having kids - Yer daddy an' I met when he was 50 an' since I knew he'd be shootin' blanks soon I liquored him up one night and he was too drunk to realize it when it was time ta pull out! (laughs) I woulda never got him to the courthouse ta marry me 'cept he had a hearin' that day for drunk drivin' anyway...