Saturday, April 30, 2005

Welcome, Roxy!

Abby has a new little sister. Yes, Roxy came to live with us on Thursday night. She's a four-year-old angel who came from a very good home, but the owner is moving from Fort Worth to a city in the East and doesn't want to take Roxy with her, so she got passed on to me through various familial channels. She is the sweetest, calmest, most loving little animal I've ever seen. I've wanted Abby to have a companion who would stay with her while I'm gone during the day, but I've never been able to find one that was perfect for both of us until now. Of course, Abby will have to get used to sharing my attention with Roxy, but she will, in time. Right now, she's a little jealous. Last night when Emily came over, Abby actually gave Emily the cold shoulder! That was a first. We laughed, because Abby was really playing the injured party. Roxy came with a sack full of clothes and hairbows so look forward to some really ridiculous photos of both the dogs from me, now called,

Crazy Dog Lady

Emily and my new darling, Roxy. Posted by Hello

Newly-snaggle-toothed Reece with his new "dog cousin" Thursday night. Posted by Hello

Roxy hates her canine cousin, Dooley, as much as Abby does. He's just too immature for such refined ladies. Posted by Hello

Awww Posted by Hello

I can't get over how much Roxy and Abby look alike. Roxy's going to have to get used to posing for the camera. Posted by Hello

Another cute one of the gorgeous Miss Em with her canine cousins. Posted by Hello

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Yet Another Change In Appearance For Reece

Emily called me at 8:30 tonight and told me to "come over, quick!" It seems that her dad, Dave, had pulled both of Reece's front teeth. They'd been loose for at least a week, and tonight was the night. He was very brave, according to Dave. I think Reece wanted me post these pics as soon as I could. Glad to do it, Reece, you really look cute. I hope you score some big bucks in the morning from the ol' Tooth Fairy.

I think he's quite proud of his new look.  Posted by Hello

You are the cutest, little buddy! Posted by Hello

Reece will now be able to eat spaghetti faster than he ever imagined. Posted by Hello

Snarky Auntie L

Auntie Linda and I went to see “The Interpreter” last night. Nicole Kidman was wonderful. Sean Penn was good, but not outstanding. Good movie, very entertaining, would recommend it for that reason. As we were leaving the movie, Linda recognized some people who had seen the movie as well, and she spoke to them. She said, referring to one of the men, “He’s about this intelligent,” at which time she pulled a leaf from one of the bushes in the movie parking lot, then she said, “he’s the blondest man I know.”

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

It's Neurotic Wednesday

Since the Great Colon Scare of March ’05, I’ve become obsessed with fiber. I check the fiber content in everything at the grocery store, and if it’s something that does not have a label, such as an orange, I look up the information on the internet. I also take Fibercon tablets and Flax Oil capsules, which are high in the “good fat” so that everything I eat soon leaves my colon. I keep imagining my colon as this great hostess that wants everyone to stay. “Come on in,” it says. “Cheese Dip? Yeah, I LOVE you! Hey, Red Meat, come in. I know you’ll stay for a long, long time.” Then, when I eat my daily serving of All Bran, my colon says to the party, “Oh no, guys, look out! You’re getting ready to leave the party!”

I was talking about fiber to my brother, Don, (oh, yeah, I talk about it all the time, too) and he told me that there is a cereal called Uncle Sam’s that is loaded with fiber. It contains more fiber than anything. I asked him where I could buy it and he said Wal-Mart had it. He also added that if I took a bowl of sand and added sugar and milk to it, it would taste better than that cereal. So, I’m going to stop obsessing a little and not buy the cereal. I will, however, welcome any useful information about fiber that any of you would like to contribute.

To change the subject, congratulations to The Fury, Emily’s softball team, for winning second place in last night’s tournament. You go, girls!

Much love to all,

Monday, April 25, 2005

Tunnel of Love

While talking to my brother, David, at the softball park Saturday, he told me a funny one about his son and my nephew, Reece, who is seven years old. Who, by the way, had his stitches removed and he is doing just fine.

Last Friday at Emily's and Reece’s school, they had a "Fun Day" in which all the kids had a picnic and some sort of carnival. They had this really cool tunnel, which looked like a caterpillar, that the kids could walk through. While they were all playing and jumping around and having fun, Rachel, one of Reece’s schoolmates with whom he exchanged Valentines this year, tugged at my brother’s sleeve and said, "He kissed me." David, of course, knew she was referring to Reece, and he asked, "where?????" She pointed to the caterpillar and said, "in there." David said, "no, I meant where on YOU did he kiss you?" She pointed to her cheek. "Whew," David thought. When I asked Reece for details about Fun Day and mentioned that his dad told me to ask him about the caterpillar, Reece looked at me as if nothing had happened. I guess he doesn’t kiss and tell.

Happy Monday

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Something I Must Say Before I Go To Bed

When you are eleven years old and you’ve played softball all day in a tournament and you are the catcher, which means you are "on" all the time, and it’s the last game of the night and it’s 10:30 and the game is tied at 3-all and you are the last one to bat and you hit two foul balls, then you strike out and the game is over and your team has been eliminated from the tournament, you deserve that good cry and you also deserve all the love and support your teammates and their parents and your parents and your coach and your aunt showed you after the game. I hope you get to sleep as late as you want tomorrow, Emily. I love you.


Fun Times With Brother #2

I have the most hilarious brothers, sometimes. They are always my brothers, but sometimes they are hilarious. For instance, one Christmas, about seven years ago, Don was living in Oxford, MS getting his masters’ and he came to stay with me for the holiday. It’s about a two-hour drive from Oxford to Jonesboro, unless I’m driving, then it’s 2.5 because I like to stop a lot, but after three hours of waiting for him to arrive at my house, I got a little worried. This was before Don had a cell phone, so I couldn’t call him. Finally, after another hour, he arrived. When I opened the door for him, his hair was standing straight up, like Einstein’s and his green eyes were absolutely bugged out to their extreme. I then noticed that his car was parked in my yard, just a foot from my kitchen window, not parked in the driveway. He practically ran inside, holding a beer, and said, "Hey, Sis! I just drove all the way from Oxford without any brakes on my car!" He was so wired he was shaking and moving around like he was trying to be a moving target. I said something like, "WHAT??!!" Then he explained that he got about twenty minutes outside of Oxford and the brakes completely went out on his car. He decided to try to make it home to Jonesboro instead of going back because he didn’t want to be stuck in Oxford for Christmas! The route from Oxford to Jonesboro includes driving through Memphis. That’s a city. Without brakes. I know when he was telling me the terrifying story of how the hell he got to my house safely, I was trying to close my mouth, but my jaw wouldn’t budge. It was slack from shock. I wanted to cry, but I also wanted to knock my little brother in the head with his beer bottle. He then said something like, "I’ve had four beers and I’m as sober as a judge!" I didn’t doubt that at all. Did I mention that this brother has a PhD?

Friday, April 22, 2005

The Workplace

Things are getting pretty tough here at work. There is a huge deficit and we are all wondering what is going to happen. There have also been some people who have lost their jobs. Yeah, really. In order to become more proficient, my workplace has implemented a new office policy:

Dress Code
You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Thought For The Day

When arguing with a fool, make sure he's not doing the same thing.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Would You Like An Eggroll With That?

Last night, Auntie Linda and I went out for Chinese food. We were stuffed when we left the restaurant. An hour later, I was talking to my brother, David, and we were talking about what we liked best at the All-You-Can-Eat-Chinese-Food-Buffet, and I told him I could eat a ton of the noodles and sushi. He said his favorite is the eggrolls. I added a little mmm hmmm to that, then he said, "Those things are $2 each at the convenience store, so when I go to the buffet, I'm always counting $2, $2, $2 for every eggroll I eat. I try to eat forty-dollars' worth every time. I guess I have to put a convenience store value on everything." Does anyone else think that's as funny as I think it is?

Congratulations to the Fury (Emily's softball team) for their win tonight. It went into overtime and they won 7 to 5. Good game, girls! Em, you were an awesome catcher, as usual!


"My folks went to Hawaii and all I got was this, um, shirt, if that's what you could call it. Hawaii was so happy to get rid of it, they gave them free airfare back to Arkansas!" Posted by Hello

Terrica and Blake, my two adopted children. I think they even favor each other a little. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


Auntie Linda, my mom, Grandmother Bera, and I often joke about buying a huge house so we could all live together. It's a joke. We wouldn't survive a month living under one roof. I do, however, love my mom, aunt, and grandmother. They are unique, strong, loving, and love to tell jokes. What more could I want? When cousin Candee sent the following joke to me, I couldn't help but think of the women in my life who have influenced me:

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, "was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

So, that's it for me. Love to my family and my friends,

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Good To Know

Always happy to keep the world posted on current affairs, Heather sent this to me today:

"Camilla Parker Bowles says that she is very happy to be married, but says that she has turned down the Queen's offer of a free weekend in Paris with car and driver."

Softball Queen

Emily had a good day Saturday. She was awesome on the softball field! Here are a few photos of her in action. I love the uniform colors they picked. It's 7:25 am so I need to get out of here and go to work, but I had to post these pics before I left so that Emily could see them when she gets home from school today.

By the way, Reece is healing nicely and is somewhat of a "mysterious fellow" at school now with the stitches in his chin.

More later,

Emily and her Mimi before the game on Sunday. Posted by Hello

She hit two homeruns and a triple on Saturday. Posted by Hello

I love this one. I think I'll have it blown up HUGE and frame it. Posted by Hello

Sunday, April 17, 2005

It's Tough Being A Boy

The nephew, Reece, had a bicycle wreck Friday afternoon and he had to have five stitches in his chin. My brother, David, said it was pretty awful when it happened and he knew he was going to have to take him to the doctor. Dawn called me around 3:00 Friday afternoon and asked, "Guess where I'm going?" It didn't sound good. She then said she was on her way to Urgent Care because David had called her to tell her about Reece's accident and he said it looked pretty bad. He, David, is good in emergencies and doesn't panic, so Dawn didn't panic. My brother is so level-headed. I'm very, very glad Reece is okay, since he went flying over his bike head-first and it could have been much worse. Whew. Boys. Look at these photos I took today. Reece, this is definitely blog-worthy, buddy! I love you little guy!

Love to all,

Reece, I don't care if it hurts, take off the bandaid so I can take a photo of your stitches. Posted by Hello

He's so cute. That's dirt on the head and the hand.  Posted by Hello

Here's the chin with the five stitches. The stuff on his forehead is just dirt. He's seven. That should explain it. Posted by Hello

He skinned his left hand and his right knee. Posted by Hello

I said, "Reece, I didn't know you tore your toenail in you bike wreck," and he said, "I didn't. This was another time." Ouch, he is a tough one! Posted by Hello

Add This Recipe To Your List

Auntie Linda and I were having dinner together last Monday and we were talking about food, of course, and she mentioned that her son, Ryker, who delivered pizza while in college, knew how to make those fabulous chocolate chip dessert pizzas! She couldn’t remember the ingredients, so she called him and he gave them to her over the phone. Want them? I don’t have the exact measurements, that’s something we’ll have to figure out for ourselves, but it couldn’t be that difficult:

Pizza Crust
Yellow Cake Mix
Melted Butter
Water (just enough to moisten)
Mini Chocolate Chips

Mix the cake mix, sugar, and butter together. Add a little water. Pour batter over pizza crust then top with chocolate chips. Bake.

I’m going to try this very soon. If you try it, let me know, and I’ll post the results.

I'll write more later after I go take some photos of Reece. He has stitches in his chin from a bicycle accident Friday afternoon (he's okay, thank you, God, just a little skinned up from hurling himself face forward over his bike onto the concrete driveway. Boys!!!!) and I told him I would post photos. So, I'll be back!


Saturday, April 16, 2005

Winnie, you are such a flirt! Posted by Hello

This is Abby's cousin, Winnie. She's actually Auntie Linda's stepdog and she is the cutest little thing! Of course, she and Abby do not get along. They are both Princesses and will not tolerate being in the same house with each other. I had to sneak over to Linda's to see her. Posted by Hello

Friday, April 15, 2005

Joke Of The Week

Blake and Auntie Linda both sent this joke to me yesterday. Wonder what that says about them? Both warped? Yeah, knew that already. Two of my favorite people? Yup, and that goes back to the warped thing. So, here is the joke, and I hope you guys have a nice relaxing weekend. Love, Vanessa

Dear Mom & Dad:
>A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
>nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped
>up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed,"Mom & Dad".
>With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter
>with trembling hands:
>Dear Mom & Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice-even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
>Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
>Don't worry Mom & Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
>Your son, John
>PS: Mom & Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!
>Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

What You Write When You Have A Lot Of Time On Your Hands

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m not a morning person. Don’t even look at me until I’ve had my coffee. This morning, I had to pick up my friend at 6:00. There’s a 6 in the morning, too? Yes, I didn’t know that either! I thought the world began at 7am and before that it was the night before. Never thought about those hours in between as being anything other than sleep time. So, I pick up my friend and we get to the hospital at 6:20 and we wait. After waiting and waiting, she finally got to go to surgery at 8:45. So, now it’s 9am and I managed to find the coffee and I get to wait some more! I am using this time to write some stuff I’ve been thinking about for a while, but never have time to write.

The TV is on in the waiting room and it’s really annoying me. I would like to go turn it off, but that’s not nice. One of those ignorant morning talk shows is on.

I received my test results from the colon test I had Monday and I passed. I prefer to think of it like a school exam and so I tell myself that I made an "A" and I never have to take that test again. Although everything looked normal, the first line I read on the report stated that I have a redundant colon. What the heck is a redundant colon? I know all about redundancy, but how does that apply to a colon? I asked my boss, supernurse Linda, and she said it meant that it was long and twisty. So why didn’t the report say that it was long and twisty instead of redundant? I guess I have a lot of unnecessary colon all crammed in my gut waiting to fill itself with all sorts of goodies. Ewww. This was a relief, however, to find out nothing was wrong. I just wish I’d known that before I subjected myself to the great colon test on Monday. I am grateful, however, that nothing is wrong and I can get on with my life and not worry about it anymore.

Speaking of redundancy, have you ever noticed how many people repeat themselves? I hear it all the time in conversation. For some reason, most people feel the need to repeat whatever they just said at least one more time. I catch myself doing it and try to stop, but not always with success. I think, "Hmmm, maybe this person is a moron and I need to repeat myself in case he didn’t understand me. Or maybe he wasn’t listening." Now that I’ve said this, try to remember it so you can listen for it the next time someone tells you something. Almost everyone does it.

9:15am - the OR called and my friend is asleep and they’re just getting started.
I played a couple of games of Free Cell, now it’s 9:50 and I’m so sleepy. I’ve seen this nurse walking around and I recognize her. We worked at Dillard’s at the same time, years ago. I sold Lancome and she worked in the office. She kept looking at me as she walked by and I kept avoiding her glances (I thought) because I was (still am) grumpy and didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Finally, she stopped at the corner where I’ve taken over the room, with all my friend’s stuff and my purse and laptop bag, and she said, "I know you from someplace." I looked at her ID and it said Carol. I said, "You’re Carol. I’m Vanessa and we worked at Dillard’s together several years ago." She was impressed that I remembered her name. What can I say, it’s a gift. So, I had to listen to what she had done for the past twelve years and pretend I was interested. I don’t think we said twelve words to each other when we worked in the same place, so why would I care to hear all that stuff now? Why, also, is it that people feel the need to say something to you just because they think they might have known you sometime in the past? Is it just me? Am I just entirely antisocial? I don’t like these types of "reunions" even when I’m wide awake and in a good mood! What’s even worse is when you are with someone and that person runs into an old acquaintance and THEY start rehashing the years gone by. Oh! That is the most boring experience. Next time it happens to me, and it will, I’m going to say, "Hey, neither of you care what’s going on with the other. If you cared, then you’d still be in touch. Why don’t you do yourselves and ME a favor and end this torture right now before I hurt you both?" Yeah, that is exactly what I’m going to say. I just had an idea for a business card. It’ll have my name on it and a little statement like, "I know you don’t care what type of business I’m in, and where I work, and where I live, so I’m not going to tell you. In fact, I know you’re going to throw this card away as soon as my back is turned, so why don’t you just give it back to me and I’ll be on my way, and you can get on with your life." It will be very economical, because I’ll only have to print one card.

Hope your Monday was good, and remember: only four days until Friday.


Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Rain, Mosquitos, Softball Season Is Finally Here!

We poor Arkansans are suffering from inconsistent weather and sinus problems. All of us. One day it's sunny and very warm, the next day it's cold and rainy, and it keeps going back and forth, back and forth. Oh, yeah, it's April! I still determine the time of year by the school calendar, and I know that around finals, in early May it finally (hmmm...finals...finally...a connection...and too many elipses) gets warm and the rain leaves for good until the end of summer, which is a whole 'nuther ballgame. Summers are awful when you're an adult. First, it's too stinking hot here. And the humidity! Don't get me started. It's only worse in Louisianna. We also have the priviledge of being visited each summer by a trillion billion mosquitos. I swear, when I'm applying to doctoral programs later this year, I'm going to take into consideration the possibility of mosquitos and that will weigh heavily upon my decision as to where I go to school. I want nowhere near the little suckers. I've paid my dues. Second, when it's summer I want to play. I don't want to go to work. Emily and Reece go swimming every day in the summer. They have so much fun and I want to play with them!

Summer is softball season, however, and that is its only saving grace. I am a Softball Aunt. (Similar to a Soccer Mom only more ridiculous.) I just cannot wait to start going to Emily's games. It is so thrilling to watch her play. When she's up to bat, my stomach starts knotting up and I squeeze my buttcheeks and hold my breath until she swings. When she strikes out (which isn't very often) I want to scream, "Wait! That wasn't her fault! That pitcher doesn't know what she's doing! Give her one more try! She'll hit it all the way to outfield if you'll give her one more swing!" And the look on Emily's face when she hits a triple or a homerun! She looks so satisfied. She glows. She's on a new team this year, and I cannot remember their name, but their colors are Hot Pink and Black. How cool is that? Lots of luck, Emily, and luck to your teammates, too. Your opponents don't know what's about to hit them!

I'll be taking care of a friend all day tomorrow who is having surgery. I haven't asked her if it's okay to post anything about it, so that' s all I'll say about it. I will take my laptop with me and hopefully be able to write a lot of junk for future posts. Until then, love to all and keep warm!


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Here's A Lil' Happy For Ya

Blake stopped by the clinic today and told me a joke. Blake, you are so funny. You always are upbeat and I love it when you come by to see me. My insults and jibes are just how I show my love. And boy, do you provide me with a lot of material, or what? I’m gonna adopt you, okay?

Here’s the joke:

A couple, who were in their fifties, were having dinner one night, and the wife said, "Honey, if I died, I would want you to remarry."
The husband thought for a minute and said, "Okay, I will."
The wife is a little surprised, and she asks her husband, "If you did remarry, would you live in this house? Our house?"
Husband thinks for a minute and says, "Well, yes, unless she had a nicer one."
Wife is getting just a little perturbed, and asks, "What about my car? Would you let HER drive my car?"
Husband thinks a little longer on this one, and then finally replies, "Well, sure, I guess so, since you have a really nice car."
Okay, now she’s getting angry. "What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use my golf clubs??"
"No!" The husband replies immediately.
Wife asks, "Why wouldn’t you let her use my golf clubs?"
"Because she’s left-handed," the husband answers.

I’ll talk to you guys later.
Love ya,

What the Heck

Sometimes it's just easier to steal someone else's joke than it is to actually try to write something, clever or otherwise. This is one of those times. Thanks to cousin Candee for this one, I love it!

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

Monday, April 11, 2005

How To Lose Ten Pounds in Two Days

I never minded tests while I was in school. I didn’t love them, but I always knew what to expect on them. I also prepared for them. Well, in grad school, anyway. The test I took this morning required preparation, too. For two days before the test, I could only drink clear liquids and eat jello. Two days. Anyone can fast for one day. But two? Come on! Even that bag of carrots in my refrigerator started to look especially delicious by about 9 o’clock last night. Yes, I had to make sure my colon was good and empty for the test this morning at 7am. I won’t go into detail about the actual exam, because some of you might have to have it some day, and I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.

I will, however, relate this one tidbit. While lying on this cold, hard exam table with a machine over my abdomen and waiting for the doctor to walk in and start the test, I was looking around and noticed the wallpaper in the room. (What is the point in having wallpaper in a radiology exam room?) It was a light grey with little dark green and orange lines scattered all over it. The designs looked like carrots. So I asked to the radiology tech, a very nice woman named Kim, who now knows me intimately, "Do you know what this wallpaper resembles?" "Carrots!" she answered. "Yeah! They do," I said, "but not just carrots, they look like the little fake icing carrots that bakers use to decorate carrot cakes." "Boy, you really are hungry, huh?" she said.

So, Auntie Linda, to answer your question you sent me by e-mail this morning, I would like to go someplace for dinner tonight that serves carrot cake.

In the meantime, I’m camping out in the bathroom most of the day and reading a really good book. And waiting for a call from the hospital telling me that nothing is wrong with me!

Love and good health to all,

Your Grammar Lesson For Monday, My "Friend's"

Heather, supernurse and friend, just sent me this e-mail. We are grammar and punctuation nuts and talk about this kind of stuff all the time:

I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but here are a couple of my grammar pet peeves I am not sure we have discussed: Inappropriate placement of apostrophes and quotation marks. I hate when people put an apostrophe in any word that ends in "s." They make plural words possessive when they are not freaking possessing anything! I also hate when people use quotation marks to emphasize something. For example: Lunch "Special" $4.99, Today "Only" Here is a classic though (the sighting that prompted this email)!!! I was driving to Little Rock (surprise) on Friday. You know those big magnets that people use to advertise their businesses on their automobiles? Well, I apparently passed someone who owns the business that makes those magnets. They had a big one on the side of their van that said :

Advertise Your Business With Magnet’s

So, people, "remember" this when you start to write letter's, okay???

Much more later,

Sunday, April 10, 2005

A Conversation With Reece

Emily’s softball team placed third in a tournament yesterday. Congrats, Emily! You’re a newly-organized team, so that’s an accomplishment!

Reece called me this morning to thank me for going by and letting Dooley out to poop last night while he and the family were at Emily’s softball tournament. Our conversation went something like this:

R: Hey, Nessa, we made it some safely last night.
V: Oh, I’m so glad to hear it. What time did you get home?
R: Um, I don’t know, let me ask my mom. (He asks Dawn.) One-thirty this morning. Emily’s still asleep.
V: I’m sure she’s really tired after a long day of softball.
R: Thanks for letting Dooley out for us last night.
V: You’re welcome. I think it’s cute how he now hikes his leg and pees on trees like an adult dog. You like to pee on trees too, don’t you, Reece? (He does, I’ve seen him do it, the little cave man!)
R: Yeah, I guess Dooley gets it from me. He’s my brother, you know.

Have a good Sunday!

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Give Me Your Sympathy and Lots Of It

Hope you all are having a lovely Saturday. The weather is beautiful here. It's absolutely perfect. Not too hot, but not cold. No humidity and the mosquitos haven't begun their attacks in force. Yet. Don't worry, they will. They are just waiting for the opportune moment.

I spent all day today at the Delta Blues Symposium listening to paper presentations and a photography presentation. All the papers were good, stemming from Southern novels and some of Tennessee Williams’s works. One paper was about Richard Wright's Haiku and the presenter was a Mississippi professor who is from China. I kept thinking, as he was reading his paper, how difficult it is to learn English, and then to be able to write so well must really be a task. My favorite Haiku he discussed is:

Is this tiny pond
The great big lake in which
I swam as a boy?

I remember the first time I went back to my grade school as an adult. It was five years ago, when Emily was in the first grade. The halls were so small. The desks were tiny, and the cafeteria wasn't the huge expanse of territory I remembered it to be. I could immediately relate to that Haiku for that reason, as can all of us, I'm sure.

The photographers at the symposium today showed photos from the Mississippi Delta region. I particularly enjoyed seeing David Rae Morris’s work, not only because he’s so good, but he is Willie Morris’s son. Willie Morris was a writer who grew up in Yazoo City, MS, and later lived in Austin, then England (as a Rhodes Scholar) and then in New York as editor of Harper’s Magazine. He later retired in Mississippi and wrote a lot about the South and its unique characteristics. I recommend reading his nonfiction work, North Toward Home.

I’m getting crankier as the day goes on, however, since I am being forced to follow a liquid diet today and tomorrow. Yes, nothing but diet coke, coffee, and a little jello. YEE HAW. It seems that when you are scheduled for a test of the colon on Monday at 7am, you must be completely empty. This is also going to mean drinking some really nasty stuff tomorrow afternoon and remaining at home to let it work its magic. I must also swallow four laxatives Sunday night and, well, you know what that means. Then, to add a little fun to all of this, I must get up Monday morning at 5 and do more colon cleansing, and be at the hospital at 7. Yes, that’s 5AM and 7AM. With no coffee that morning. Word to the wise: stay out of my way Monday morning.

Not feeling very loving right now,

Friday, April 08, 2005

How Things Change

I've been having a few health problems that started with my appendix removal on Feb. 28. Since then, I've been thinking, usually out loud, about how your body starts its descent downhill when you have your 30th birthday. By 40, well, forget it. It's all over. Not mentally, at least not too bad, but one's internal organs, OH! Everything stops working, or starts working too much, or only works when you don't want it to. You get the idea. I made a short list of a few other things that change, and as I think of more, I'll add to the list. And hey, feel free to chime in with your two cents' worth about all this, too!


1) 9am = not even thinking about waking up
2) 10pm = time to go dancing!
3) Ultimate vacation = drinking all day on a sandy white beach
4) MTV Music Awards
5) Poop? Never give it a second thought

1) 9am = already washed 2 loads of laundry, the car, and have been to Wal-Mart
2) 10pm = waiting for the weather on TV so you can go to bed
3) Ultimate vacation = Okay, that one’s the same
4) Academy Awards
5) Poop? What’s that?

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Delta Blues Symposium - our paper presentations

Well, that was fun! Our paper presentations went quite well and we had a full house to listen to them. I was very surprised at the attendance. Thanks to everyone who was there to lend their support. Even Auntie Linda and my brother, the professor, showed up. Before the readings some of us had lunch together and we had a really good time. I love my school buddies. I miss you guys since I've graduated. Congratulations, Jennifer, on your upcoming nuptuals. We decided that we need to have a "Bowling Night" very soon. We're just trying to figure out how we can sneak our booze into the bowling alley and not get caught. (We wouldn't want to get banned from Jonesboro's only bowling alley, you know!) Here are some of the photos from this afternoon. I'll take more later, so be sure and check back.

Oh, my. The Professor is going to kill me for this one. It's a great one of Auntie Linda, though! Posted by Hello

Here we are with Dr. Calloway on the right. She's the one who got us all to form this panel, and taught our "Vietnam Lit" Class that inspired the papers. We all loved that class. Posted by Hello

"Whew, I survived my first presentation!" Jennifer is thinking. You did a wonderful job, girl! Posted by Hello

Anna, Moi, Jennifer, and Monika. Our distinguished panel before we presented out papers.  Posted by Hello