How To Lose Ten Pounds in Two Days

I never minded tests while I was in school. I didn’t love them, but I always knew what to expect on them. I also prepared for them. Well, in grad school, anyway. The test I took this morning required preparation, too. For two days before the test, I could only drink clear liquids and eat jello. Two days. Anyone can fast for one day. But two? Come on! Even that bag of carrots in my refrigerator started to look especially delicious by about 9 o’clock last night. Yes, I had to make sure my colon was good and empty for the test this morning at 7am. I won’t go into detail about the actual exam, because some of you might have to have it some day, and I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.

I will, however, relate this one tidbit. While lying on this cold, hard exam table with a machine over my abdomen and waiting for the doctor to walk in and start the test, I was looking around and noticed the wallpaper in the room. (What is the point in having wallpaper in a radiology exam room?) It was a light grey with little dark green and orange lines scattered all over it. The designs looked like carrots. So I asked to the radiology tech, a very nice woman named Kim, who now knows me intimately, "Do you know what this wallpaper resembles?" "Carrots!" she answered. "Yeah! They do," I said, "but not just carrots, they look like the little fake icing carrots that bakers use to decorate carrot cakes." "Boy, you really are hungry, huh?" she said.

So, Auntie Linda, to answer your question you sent me by e-mail this morning, I would like to go someplace for dinner tonight that serves carrot cake.

In the meantime, I’m camping out in the bathroom most of the day and reading a really good book. And waiting for a call from the hospital telling me that nothing is wrong with me!

Love and good health to all,
Vanessa