Monday, May 23, 2005

Warning To ALL Women: Do NOT Fall Asleep!

My thighs were stolen from me during the night of August 3rd, four years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal! Who would have done such a cruel thing? I spent the entire summer looking for them. I searched in vain at pools and beaches, anywhere I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose. Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again! My rear end was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new rear end (although erroneously attached at least three inches lower than the original) to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion. It was 2 years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while drying my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated, as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hair brush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, one section at a time. Then my poor neck disappeared more quickly than theThanksgiving turkey it now resembled. This is NOT a hoax! This is happening to women in everytown, every night. Warn all your friends!!!!!

PS.... I was keeping my breasts hidden in my pajama bottoms at night so that they won't suffer the same fate as my other body parts until one night I forgot. Yes, it happened to them, too!

Thanks again, Nicole!


Elaine said...

Your interview questions are up at my site. Go forth and educate!

Burfica said...

OMG that is so darn funny!!! I have to go pee now. hehehehee