Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Dream Jobs

My blogger buddy, Amanda at http://amandajohnson.blogspot.com/ tagged me for this project. I had to take 5 professions and complete the sentences. Amanda’s are in Red, and her friend, Jes, answered hers in Blue. Mine are in Pink. This was a lot of fun. It'll give you something to think about, friends, if you would like to add to it. Thanks for including me, Amanda!

If I could be a scientist...I would invent an automobile that would run on oxygen. There’s plenty of that floating around, I think, and then the U.S. could tell the Mid East to shove it for good. Oh, and the Oxygen Auto would be cheap, cheap, cheap.
If I could be a farmer...I'd live on a plantation and grow all my own vegetables, so that I didn't have to pay $4.99 for a pound of asparagus, or $2 per artichoke.
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary... I would come up with a more interesting "position."
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...I would design a self-cleaning house. All you would have to do, every day or so, would be push a button and all the dirt would be sucked up into a container in the ceiling. The dirt could be used as landfill or kitty litter or something.
If I could be a linguist...I'd travel the world, and be able to talk to everyone I met without feeling like the ignorant American who couldn't speak another language and just expected everyone else to speak English.
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian... I would label books with helpful words like "Quick, Funny Read" or "Interesting" or "Waste of Time" or "Makes you mad at the author at the end"
If I could be an athlete...I'd be a swimmer. Or I'd row on a crew team. I'd be fabulously in shape, and never have to worry about what I ate, because my career would be EXERCISING.
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper... I would keep one room vacant at all times, in case Jesus wanted to come and stay.
If I could be a professor...Perfect one for me, because I am going to be a professor in a few years. So, I will be the type of professor whose students are eager to come to class and discuss literature because I will be so enthusiastic about it they will learn to love it too. I also plan to teach my students how to THINK FOR THEMSELVES.
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...I would want to go back in time and be a dancer on the old Carol Burnett Show. When I was a kid, that’s what I wanted to do when I grew up; dance with Carol Burnett on her variety show.
If I could be a llama-rider... I would make it a very lucrative career that only very intelligent and capable people could do. Then I would be their leader and organize conferences on llama-riding, which would be held in St. Thomas.
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...I'd have Jessica Simpson as my first guest, and DEMAND TO KNOW THE TRUTH, the ABSOLUTE TRUTH about her relationship with Johnny Knoxville, and whether she and Nick Lachey were going to separate. And if that were to be the truth, I would be deeply, deeply disappointed, because I am so infatuated with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey.
If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge... I would never have a TV show where I tried petty cases in front of ten people and a moronic bailiff. I would never wear a doily under my gown. I would give people punishment that fits the crime. If you steal from a store, you have to go work there for free. If you abuse your spouse, you have to get beaten up by a redneck in a 4-wheel-drive truck that has no muffler.
If I could be a Jedi...
If I could be a mob boss...I’d have Tony and Guido pay a little visit to my ex-husband.
If I could be a backup singer…I would be a good enough singer to audition for "Making the Band."
If I could be a CEO...
If I could be a movie reviewer...

5 comments:

Amanda Sue said...

so you are sort of this hippie/environmentalist professor type who dances in her living room in her spare time and who has secret mob ties. :)


veeeeedy interezting....

Vanessa said...

Don't forget lazy (self-cleaning house.) May I join your Llama riding group, Amanda? They don't consume gasoline, either!

Solistella said...

Missionary. Giggle. Snort.

I love your innkeeper one. Where's "If I had a hammer?"

:P

your niece said...

i can't believe you haven't blogged since wednesday!!please blog again!!i'm starting to wonder if you're getting tired of it.....

Vanessa said...

No, I'm not getting tired of it, Em! Today is only THURSDAY and I don't have time to blog since I'm going to watch you play softball in less than an hour! I'll post a good one tomorrow, I promise. Love you, Ness