Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Sometimes It's Better NOT To Say Anything

I have to be one of the stupidest people on the planet. I provoked a redneck today. She’s probably not much older than I am, but she looks sixty-years old, and she and her boyfriend have those huge yellow magnets all over their cars that say, "Support the Troops" and they have U.S. Flags and Bald Eagles on their bumper stickers...you know the type if you live in the South. Now I’m going to have to wait and see if she invokes the right-of-the-redneck and seeks revenge on poor me. Want to know what happened? Okay, I’ll tell you. I took Abby and Roxy outside tonight when I got home from work and saw something all over the grass in the backyard. As went down the steps to the grass I realized it was cabbage leaves. Great big ones and also huge chunks of cabbage. Of course, my first thought was, "Oh, no, the dogs might try to eat it." So I started to pick it up, then I decided to knock on my neighbor’s back door (we share a duplex) and confront her, nicely, about the cabbage. She finally answers the door, after I’d given up on her and went back down the steps and began picking up the cabbage. Up to this point, I have had two conversations with her in the four or five months she’s lived here, and those conversations total five minutes and were about the weather. Anyway, she opened the door and looked down to the yard and I asked her if she threw the cabbage in the yard. I asked this as nicely as I could. She said "No, but someone else here did." "Okay," I said, "would you ask them not to throw food in the back yard anymore?" again, as sweetly as I could ask. The redneck woman went nuts on me. She said she likes to put food out in the yard for the birds. I was pretty much dumbfounded, since I’m sure that’s not why her boyfriend trashed the yard. He trashed the yard because he’s an idiot redneck and doesn’t know better than to throw cabbage in the yard. She then starts screaming at me that we’re going to have to compromise and I, again very nicely, never raising my voice, said something like, "well, you know I have dogs, and I’m pretty sure cabbage isn’t good for them, so I’m asking you nicely if you would please stop throwing food in the backyard." She continued to tell me that she would put food in the yard if she wanted to because it was for the birds. She yelled and screamed a few choice words and I said, "Nevermind, sorry I bothered you. There really is no need for you to get upset. Forget it." I then put the stinking cabbage in my trash can and she went inside and slammed the door. About thirty minutes later, Roxy threw up light green stringy stuff on my carpet.

11 comments:

your niece said...

poor roxy. pity on you for having to put up with redneck neighbors. but i bet your conversation would have been very entertaining to watch. i love you!!

your niece said...

oh and by the way, since when do birds eat cabbage? i guess they eat pretty much anything, but i've never seen them eat it. hello!! i'm talking to you now!!

Vanessa said...

My babydoll niece, do you have any idea how cute you are? I love you more than chocolate.

Elaine said...

What an idiot. I love how people will go with some lame excuse when it makes no sense, just to be "right".

The last place we lives, people would throw rotten, magot infested food into our walkway. I am so glad we don't live there anymore.

irene said...

oh poor Aunt Vanessa, and poor Roxy. i hope she's feeling better. you're being too nice, if i were you i'd take Finn out and let her poop on redneck's flowers and in front of her door and then say "it's good for the grass and food for the flies".

Vanessa said...

I'm going to wait and see what happens, but I think I can get very creative with the dog poop if I have to!

your niece said...

just so you know, i didn't even win for my class on the dare report-thingy. oh well. i should've. i was reading the redneck blog again, and i hope you threw the cabbage away when she was standing there watching. blog again!! i luv u!

your niece said...

oh, and being loved more than chocolate is a real compliment. i was really hoping you loved me more than that. thanks.

your niece said...

by " really hoped you loved me more than that, i meant i'm glad you love me more than chocolate. darn, i typed that last comment the wrong way.

your niece said...

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Vanessa said...

Emily, just thinking about you makes me :-) !!! LOVE you, too! Sorry your essay didn't win the contest. Want me to have a talk with them? :-)