Yesterday morning, my mom, Auntie Linda, cousin Candee, and I held a garage sale. We had one last month, also, and didn’t sell everything, so we decided to go through our houses once more and hold another sale. This was it for me. No more, no way, will I EVER participate in another garage sale. We advertised the sale to begin at 7am and there were people showing up at 6am. Not only did they have the nerve to walk up that early, they wanted us to discount the stuff even more than the ridiculously low prices we had marked on all the junk. We have several pairs of my grandmother’s shoes, which she paid at least $80 a pair, marked at $5 and I had a woman ask me if I would take $4 for a pair of them! Okay, I said, and she handed me a twenty-dollar bill. Give me a break. The shoes had never been worn. Not once. Then there is the fact that I have no tolerance for rednecks and garage sales are the redneck equivalent of the after-Christmas sale at Harrod’s. My mom stays thoroughly entertained by my remarks to these people. "Don’t it have a pair of britches to match?" a redneck will ask me about a $90 blouse that has a $2 pricetag on it. "No, it don’t," I answer and listen to my mom try not to laugh at loud. If you want to hear the English language butchered beyond recognition, come to a garage sale in Arkansas.
At about 7:30 yesterday morning, here came my niece, Emily, followed by her bleary-eyed dad who brought her over. She was all smiles, carrying a bag of stuff she wanted to sell and a travel mug full of milk. She’d asked me the day before if she could come over and sell some things, and I told her yes, of course. I didn’t really think she’d get up that early, but she did! She said she woke up at 6:30 and had to sneak around her bedroom quietly in order not to wake her parents. Then she waited for Dooley the Dachshund to wake up her dad and then she asked him to drive her over. Quite a clever girl.
One more ridiculous point about our family sales: we are each other’s best customers. Yes, we buy things from one another. Then the next year, when we decide we need to "clean out" and have another garage sale, we sell that same crap we bought the year before. We laugh at ourselves, because we know it’s silly, yet we do it every year. I love my family!
Have a Happy Mother's Day!