Monday, September 12, 2005

Tell 'Em Large Marge Sent You!!!

It took me a while to open up about myself on this blog. Since I’ve confessed about the depression thing, there’s no stopping me now! You poor readers, you’re in for it now. Oh, what am I saying, you can hit that little red “X” in the upper-right corner anytime you want. Unless you’re the type who slows down to see that auto accident. If you’re one of those folks, you’ll just love my new and not improved blogging style.

I’m an emotional eater who has fought her weight for the past twenty years. I have my ups and downs and know the Weight Watchers creed by heart and could lecture you on the dos and don’ts about weight loss in my sleep. Common weightloss sense is virtually nonexistent for me. My Auntie Linda is just like me in this regard. She’s been having a rough couple of weeks, and so when she called me Friday afternoon and said she wanted to go out for dessert that night, I knew it was because she was upset. We went to dinner that night and she ordered appetizers for her meal. I ordered a big fat juicy hamburger with hot spicy cheese on it and a bunch of french fries. It was goooood, yessss. Then, we ordered dessert. Not that I haven’t done it before, but Auntie was the one who ordered the biggest dessert on the menu - the one that would easily serve three or four people. (It’s okay, she knows I’m blogging about this.) Anyway, when she ordered her dessert, the waitress, the skinny, clueless little girl, said, “Are you going to eat that all by yourself??!!” I was a bit disappointed that she didn’t say it loud enough for the people in the parking lot to hear. So, Auntie and I were steamed now. We made her fill our water glasses about seven times. We ate our dessert, then when she brought the ticket and there was an error on it, we didn’t just figure out who owed what, we made her take the ticket and redo it. That caused the little waif some trouble and she had to get help to delete that bill and make another one. Don’t mess with Auntie L and Vanessa. We were desperate, folks! We wanted to be evil! I’m sure she’s out shopping right now with the six-cent tip we left her!

7 comments:

InMama'sArms said...

Vanessa, you crack me up! I am there with you! I have battled depression and eating disorders (I totally emotionally eat!). Since I got pregnant the last time I have been hell bent on eating what I please! I love your toddler diet....so true! I will be reading your blog more! Mine is http://www.motherhoodandfamilylife.blogspot.com.
great blog!
Elle*

InMama'sArms said...

oh by the way...I love pee wees big adventure and large marge! when we were little we used to rewind the part where she's telling him that story and makes that crazy face....we would laugh over and over again at that! Hahaha...it made me laugh to see someone else out there remembers it too.....

Suburban Turmoil said...

That's great!

Once when I was in high school, I cleaned my plate at a restaurant and the waitress said, "I can't believe you ate that whole thing!" I quietly said, "I'm eating for two now." Her mouth dropped open- as did my mom's sitting across from me- and the waitress didn't say another word to me. My mom and I CRACKED UP afterward!

Don't let the waitresses getcha down!

Anonymous said...

I have to tell you guys that the dessert I ordered was a chocolate tall cake. It is served in a glorified stemmed goblet, a choc cake with mousse filling topped with vanilla ice cream,fudge sauce, whipped cream & a cherry on top. I ate all but two bites with eyes on me, cheering me on I was hoping.
Auntie L

Elaine said...

Food: it is a bitch, no? Now try being married to a 6'3" 150lb man who has has to WORK to keep his weight up. I love him, but sometimes I hate him. He simply has NO IDEA what it can be like for women in this country.

irene said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Amanda Sue said...

i am an emotional eater too, and i think women who aren't are in denial. :)

loved your story. why are skinny people waitresses anyway???