Cha Chings and Ding-A-Lings

The weekend was about celebrating my Auntie Linda’s birthday, so we did. We had a little party in the VIP room of Resorts Casino in Tunica, Mississippi and watched the Arkansas/Alabama football game. Well, some of the Party Hags watched. I pretended to watch and be interested so that I could continue to eat cake. I would feign interest in just about anything for cake. I gave Auntie a flashing-lights tiara and matching plastic beads and she loved them. Best $1.99 I’ve every spent. Carol, one of Auntie’s Entourage, told me that she wore the tiara until she went to bed on Sunday morning at 8:00. I personally think she actually slept in it, because I never saw her without it. She is such a diva.

Every time my mom got up from the group, whether we were lounging or eating, she would say, “Watch my purse, I’ll be right back.” This tickled us, being the mature women we are, and we began hiding her purse so that she’d freak out. When we got bored with that, we’d place her purse in the center of the table and just stare at it. She told us to watch it, so we would.

Mona brought her parents along and they dined with us on Saturday night. We had a great Italian meal and good wine and we really enjoyed ourselves. Of course, I dropped pasta on my shirt, my left boob to be exact. Everyone would have been disappointed if I hadn’t, since I do that everytime I eat. So, while I was wiping off my shirt, Willard, Mona’s eighty-one-year-old father, said “It always lands on what is sticking out the furthest.” No matter how old, they are still men.

How was the gambling? Well, I am happy to report that I more that broke even. That’s a successful gambling trip for me and I left the casinos feeling very pleased. (And full of cake and also with a bunch of new jokes about how stupid men are.)

So, Auntie, thanks for inviting me to celebrate with you. It was really fun and fattening and sinful and decadent and I can’t wait until next year!!!