Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Depression Sucks And My Vacuum Cleaner Doesn't

I suffer from a lovely little illness called depression. It’s hereditary and I think about ninety-five percent of my family has it. Lots of them are in denial, but I’m outing them all right now. I take a wonderful anti-depressant every morning and it helps me get out of bed each day. You wouldn’t know it from a couple of conversations with me, because I am a good actor, but I live with a feeling of despair all the time. The last few weeks have been a doozy of a time fighting this stuff. I have wanted to stay in bed with the covers over my head. Every single day has been a struggle to get to work. On my days off, I’ve hardly moved at all. Shower? Forget about it. Thank God I had some obligations over the Labor Day weekend so that I was forced to get up and join the real world. (Thanks, Emily, for discovering Monopoly and wanting to play about six hours of it with me! You and Reece are wonderful therapy.) Someone once asked me what I had to be depressed about. That’s not it. It’s an illness and situations have nothing to do with it.

Today, instead of just coming home from work and sitting on the sofa and staring at the walls, I cleaned house! To a non-depressed person, that doesn’t sound like much, but those of you out there who share my affliction will understand what it means: I’m coming out of the black hole. A little. Enough anyway to see a little light. So, that brings me to my vacuum cleaner. It doesn’t suck enough! Going to have to figure out why. Which is another project. Which gives me something to do. Right now that’s pretty good.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'll drink to that!!!!!!!!!!! I'm already out. I may or may not be manic depressive but damn , just think, it could be worse. I could be bi-polar, (it's an inside joke).
U-nonymous

quycksilver said...

Hey Vanessa--good for you for being brave enough to talk about your depression. I've know a few friends who have dealt with similar issues, and I know how scary it can be. Contrary to what Tom Cruise thinks, it's not about exercise and vitamins, but about chemicals and balancing. It's also about recognizing what's going on, and doing what you can to deal with it. My ex had a history of depression in his family, and I'm sure that he had depressive tendencies, but he would absolutely not admit it to himself, so forget about getting help. Hang in there!

Amanda Sue said...

hey! i am right there with ya, sister! my morning dose keeps me smiling most of the time, but i do get the occassional black hole.

glad you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. now, go take a shower and fix your hair!

Daphne_Blue said...

Depression is no joke, and I'm sorry that you have to suffer through it. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a little better, though. I don't suffer from it, but I have family members that do, and it can be quite a debilitating illness. Sending hugs and happy, positive, motivating vibes your way. XOXO

Suburban Turmoil said...

Glad you've acknowledged your depression and found medication for it. Most people can't even do that much.

I hope you're feeling much better soon!

As for the vacuum issue, I'm dying for a Dyson- It never loses suck power. They are friggin' expensive, but even Target has them. I'm just waiting to hit the jackpot before I make my purchase.

Elaine said...

I have a Dyson and it is a device sent from heaven... if you're into that stuff.

Sorry you've been struggling, but so glad to hear you're pulling out. Smooches on your head!

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