On Christmas day my extended family comes together for lunch. My mom is from a large family and there are usually about thirty of us who are able to make it for the holiday. That’s only about a third of the total number, but many of my cousins have other obligations that day. This past Christmas several cousins attended whom I rarely see. One of these cousins is Shannon. He’s a few years younger than I, and he’s our Rainman. He can remember someone’s telephone number if he only heard it once, twenty years ago, yet he cannot function in the adult world. His mental level is that of about a ten year old boy, and he is the sweetest guy in the world, as long as you don’t try to touch him. He’s not autistic in the sense that he is completely withdrawn, however. He was talking to my mom at the family Christmas lunch and something he said made my mom refer to me, and I was sitting on the other side of my mom, so she pointed at me and asked Shannon if he remembered me, Vanessa. He looked at me for a couple of seconds and said, “So, there are two Vanessas here today. There’s a skinny one and then there’s her,” pointing at me.
Of course, when he realized what he’d said, Shannon was really embarrassed. I actually thought it was funny and my very mature brothers were laughing their very mature heads off. Later I learned that Shannon was confusing our cousin, Luann, with me, and that was why he said what he did. And, Luann is definitely skinny, but I love her anyway. She also reads this blog, so, I hope you get a laugh out of this, Cousin Luann, you skinny bitch.