Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Just Trying To Lift Your Spirits However I Can

I must have been really sleepy this morning when I left for work because I forgot and took the invisible car instead of the Pontiac. I was driving about 45mph, singing along to some Stevie Nicks on the radio, and this huge SUV decided to turn right in front of me. I had to slam on my brakes to avoid crashing into her. I honked and said a string of evil, vile words, of course, and she never looked at me. The very least she could have done was wave an apology, but I guess she was just too indignant that someone actually was displeased with her. Okay, I'm over it now.

Here's one that always bears repeating:

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

Thanks, Candee!


Amanda Sue said...

that's funny! and true!

ARG about the bad driver. i always thought it would be helpful to have little flags you could raise from inside your car when you made a mistake, like:

*so sorry!
*that was my fault!
*they made your car with no blinkers?
*this is why you have brakes!
*screw you, too!

i think it would reduce road-rage, or at least save it for the sincerely negligent drivers.

Anonymous said...

or my favorite...(mimi actually gave me this bumpersticker, but a sign would work also) "horn broken-watch for finger"

your niece said...