Welcome, Roxy!

Abby has a new little sister. Yes, Roxy came to live with us on Thursday night. She's a four-year-old angel who came from a very good home, but the owner is moving from Fort Worth to a city in the East and doesn't want to take Roxy with her, so she got passed on to me through various familial channels. She is the sweetest, calmest, most loving little animal I've ever seen. I've wanted Abby to have a companion who would stay with her while I'm gone during the day, but I've never been able to find one that was perfect for both of us until now. Of course, Abby will have to get used to sharing my attention with Roxy, but she will, in time. Right now, she's a little jealous. Last night when Emily came over, Abby actually gave Emily the cold shoulder! That was a first. We laughed, because Abby was really playing the injured party. Roxy came with a sack full of clothes and hairbows so look forward to some really ridiculous photos of both the dogs from me, now called,

Crazy Dog Lady

Emily and my new darling, Roxy. 

Newly-snaggle-toothed Reece with his new "dog cousin" Thursday night. 

Roxy hates her canine cousin, Dooley, as much as Abby does. He's just too immature for such refined ladies. 

Awww 

I can't get over how much Roxy and Abby look alike. Roxy's going to have to get used to posing for the camera. 

Another cute one of the gorgeous Miss Em with her canine cousins. 

Yet Another Change In Appearance For Reece

Emily called me at 8:30 tonight and told me to "come over, quick!" It seems that her dad, Dave, had pulled both of Reece's front teeth. They'd been loose for at least a week, and tonight was the night. He was very brave, according to Dave. I think Reece wanted me post these pics as soon as I could. Glad to do it, Reece, you really look cute. I hope you score some big bucks in the morning from the ol' Tooth Fairy.

I think he's quite proud of his new look.  

You are the cutest, little buddy! 

Reece will now be able to eat spaghetti faster than he ever imagined. 

Snarky Auntie L

Auntie Linda and I went to see “The Interpreter” last night. Nicole Kidman was wonderful. Sean Penn was good, but not outstanding. Good movie, very entertaining, would recommend it for that reason. As we were leaving the movie, Linda recognized some people who had seen the movie as well, and she spoke to them. She said, referring to one of the men, “He’s about this intelligent,” at which time she pulled a leaf from one of the bushes in the movie parking lot, then she said, “he’s the blondest man I know.”

It's Neurotic Wednesday

Since the Great Colon Scare of March ’05, I’ve become obsessed with fiber. I check the fiber content in everything at the grocery store, and if it’s something that does not have a label, such as an orange, I look up the information on the internet. I also take Fibercon tablets and Flax Oil capsules, which are high in the “good fat” so that everything I eat soon leaves my colon. I keep imagining my colon as this great hostess that wants everyone to stay. “Come on in,” it says. “Cheese Dip? Yeah, I LOVE you! Hey, Red Meat, come in. I know you’ll stay for a long, long time.” Then, when I eat my daily serving of All Bran, my colon says to the party, “Oh no, guys, look out! You’re getting ready to leave the party!”

I was talking about fiber to my brother, Don, (oh, yeah, I talk about it all the time, too) and he told me that there is a cereal called Uncle Sam’s that is loaded with fiber. It contains more fiber than anything. I asked him where I could buy it and he said Wal-Mart had it. He also added that if I took a bowl of sand and added sugar and milk to it, it would taste better than that cereal. So, I’m going to stop obsessing a little and not buy the cereal. I will, however, welcome any useful information about fiber that any of you would like to contribute.

To change the subject, congratulations to The Fury, Emily’s softball team, for winning second place in last night’s tournament. You go, girls!

Much love to all,
Vanessa

Tunnel of Love

While talking to my brother, David, at the softball park Saturday, he told me a funny one about his son and my nephew, Reece, who is seven years old. Who, by the way, had his stitches removed and he is doing just fine.

Last Friday at Emily's and Reece’s school, they had a "Fun Day" in which all the kids had a picnic and some sort of carnival. They had this really cool tunnel, which looked like a caterpillar, that the kids could walk through. While they were all playing and jumping around and having fun, Rachel, one of Reece’s schoolmates with whom he exchanged Valentines this year, tugged at my brother’s sleeve and said, "He kissed me." David, of course, knew she was referring to Reece, and he asked, "where?????" She pointed to the caterpillar and said, "in there." David said, "no, I meant where on YOU did he kiss you?" She pointed to her cheek. "Whew," David thought. When I asked Reece for details about Fun Day and mentioned that his dad told me to ask him about the caterpillar, Reece looked at me as if nothing had happened. I guess he doesn’t kiss and tell.

Happy Monday

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

Something I Must Say Before I Go To Bed

When you are eleven years old and you’ve played softball all day in a tournament and you are the catcher, which means you are "on" all the time, and it’s the last game of the night and it’s 10:30 and the game is tied at 3-all and you are the last one to bat and you hit two foul balls, then you strike out and the game is over and your team has been eliminated from the tournament, you deserve that good cry and you also deserve all the love and support your teammates and their parents and your parents and your coach and your aunt showed you after the game. I hope you get to sleep as late as you want tomorrow, Emily. I love you.

Ness

Fun Times With Brother #2

I have the most hilarious brothers, sometimes. They are always my brothers, but sometimes they are hilarious. For instance, one Christmas, about seven years ago, Don was living in Oxford, MS getting his masters’ and he came to stay with me for the holiday. It’s about a two-hour drive from Oxford to Jonesboro, unless I’m driving, then it’s 2.5 because I like to stop a lot, but after three hours of waiting for him to arrive at my house, I got a little worried. This was before Don had a cell phone, so I couldn’t call him. Finally, after another hour, he arrived. When I opened the door for him, his hair was standing straight up, like Einstein’s and his green eyes were absolutely bugged out to their extreme. I then noticed that his car was parked in my yard, just a foot from my kitchen window, not parked in the driveway. He practically ran inside, holding a beer, and said, "Hey, Sis! I just drove all the way from Oxford without any brakes on my car!" He was so wired he was shaking and moving around like he was trying to be a moving target. I said something like, "WHAT??!!" Then he explained that he got about twenty minutes outside of Oxford and the brakes completely went out on his car. He decided to try to make it home to Jonesboro instead of going back because he didn’t want to be stuck in Oxford for Christmas! The route from Oxford to Jonesboro includes driving through Memphis. That’s a city. Without brakes. I know when he was telling me the terrifying story of how the hell he got to my house safely, I was trying to close my mouth, but my jaw wouldn’t budge. It was slack from shock. I wanted to cry, but I also wanted to knock my little brother in the head with his beer bottle. He then said something like, "I’ve had four beers and I’m as sober as a judge!" I didn’t doubt that at all. Did I mention that this brother has a PhD?

The Workplace

Things are getting pretty tough here at work. There is a huge deficit and we are all wondering what is going to happen. There have also been some people who have lost their jobs. Yeah, really. In order to become more proficient, my workplace has implemented a new office policy:

Dress Code
You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Thought For The Day

When arguing with a fool, make sure he's not doing the same thing.

Would You Like An Eggroll With That?

Last night, Auntie Linda and I went out for Chinese food. We were stuffed when we left the restaurant. An hour later, I was talking to my brother, David, and we were talking about what we liked best at the All-You-Can-Eat-Chinese-Food-Buffet, and I told him I could eat a ton of the noodles and sushi. He said his favorite is the eggrolls. I added a little mmm hmmm to that, then he said, "Those things are $2 each at the convenience store, so when I go to the buffet, I'm always counting $2, $2, $2 for every eggroll I eat. I try to eat forty-dollars' worth every time. I guess I have to put a convenience store value on everything." Does anyone else think that's as funny as I think it is?

Congratulations to the Fury (Emily's softball team) for their win tonight. It went into overtime and they won 7 to 5. Good game, girls! Em, you were an awesome catcher, as usual!

Love,
Ness